Understanding overthinking, anxiety, and how to stop getting stuck in your own thoughts.
By Dr. Vanessa Milagros, PhD, LMHC | Licensed Mental Health Therapist & Relationship Expert
Have you ever been lying in bed, completely exhausted, but your brain has decided that now is the perfect time to replay a conversation from three days ago?
Or maybe you send someone a text, they don't respond right away, and suddenly you're analyzing everything you said, wondering if they're upset, or convincing yourself that something must be wrong.
And before you know it, you've created about fifteen different scenarios in your head.
Let's talk about overthinking.
Because one thing I want people to understand is that overthinking isn't always about thinking too much. Sometimes, it's about trying to feel more certain, prepared, or in control of something that makes you uncomfortable.
And while thinking things through can be helpful, constantly analyzing every possibility can leave you feeling mentally exhausted without actually getting you any closer to a solution.
So, why do we overthink, and more importantly, how do we stop?
More of a visual learner?
I break all of this down in my latest YouTube video "How to STOP Overthinking.” — watch it here.
Have you ever been lying in bed, completely exhausted, but your brain has decided that now is the perfect time to replay a conversation from three days ago?
Or maybe you send someone a text, they don't respond right away, and suddenly you're analyzing everything you said, wondering if they're upset, or convincing yourself that something must be wrong.
And before you know it, you've created about fifteen different scenarios in your head.
Let's talk about overthinking.
Because one thing I want people to understand is that overthinking isn't always about thinking too much. Sometimes, it's about trying to feel more certain, prepared, or in control of something that makes you uncomfortable.
And while thinking things through can be helpful, constantly analyzing every possibility can leave you feeling mentally exhausted without actually getting you any closer to a solution.
So, why do we overthink, and more importantly, how do we stop?
Why Do I Overthink Everything?
First, I think it's important to understand that overthinking isn't a mental health diagnosis.
It's a term we commonly use to describe repetitive thought patterns that can include excessive worrying, second-guessing, replaying past experiences, and imagining possible future outcomes.
For some people, overthinking shows up when they're making decisions.
For others, it happens in relationships, social situations, at work, or when they're trying to fall asleep.
And sometimes, it's connected to anxiety.
When we feel uncertain about something, our minds may start searching for answers, explanations, or ways to prevent something uncomfortable from happening.
You might think:
What if I make the wrong decision?
What if they're upset with me?
What if I embarrass myself?
What if something goes wrong?
What if I missed a red flag?
What if I should have said something differently?
Notice something about those questions?
They're all attempts to anticipate or make sense of an outcome.
But here's the problem.
You can spend hours thinking about something and still not have any more control over the outcome.
That's when thinking can become a cycle rather than a solution.
What's the Difference Between Thinking and Overthinking?
I want you to consider this question:
Is your thinking helping you make a decision, understand something, or take action?
Or are you repeatedly going over the same information without reaching a different conclusion?
There's a difference between problem-solving and rumination.
Problem-solving generally involves identifying an issue, considering realistic options, and deciding what to do next.
Rumination involves repeatedly focusing on distressing thoughts, feelings, or experiences without necessarily moving toward a solution.
For example, let's say you had a disagreement with your partner.
Healthy reflection might sound like:
"I didn't communicate that very well. I want to talk to them tomorrow and explain what I was feeling."
Overthinking might sound like:
"Why did I say that? What if they took it the wrong way? Maybe they're losing interest. What if this argument changes everything? Should I text them again?"
One thought leads to another, and suddenly you're emotionally reacting to situations that haven't even happened.
That's why learning how to recognize the difference is so important.
Why Overthinking Can Feel Impossible to Stop
Sometimes, overthinking creates the illusion that you're doing something productive.
You feel like if you analyze the situation long enough, you'll eventually figure everything out.
Maybe you'll discover the perfect response.
Maybe you'll prevent yourself from getting hurt.
Maybe you'll finally feel certain.
But uncertainty is part of life, and not every question has an immediate answer.
The more you try to eliminate every possible risk or uncomfortable feeling, the more opportunities your mind may find to worry.
This is especially relevant for people who struggle with perfectionism, fear of rejection, or anxiety.
And I want to be clear about something.
Being thoughtful, emotionally aware, or detail-oriented isn't inherently a problem.
The concern is when your thought patterns begin interfering with your sleep, relationships, decision-making, or ability to enjoy what's happening in the present.
How to Stop Overthinking: 7 Strategies That Can Actually Help
Now that we've talked about why overthinking happens, let's get into what you can do differently.
1. Recognize When You're Stuck in a Thought Loop
One of the first things I encourage people to practice is noticing when their thoughts have stopped being helpful.
Ask yourself:
"Am I learning something new from thinking about this, or am I repeating the same worries?"
Sometimes, simply identifying the pattern can create an opportunity to respond differently.
You don't have to argue with every thought that enters your mind.
You can acknowledge that you're worrying without continuing to follow every possible scenario.
2. Ask Yourself What You Can Actually Control
This is a big one.
When you're overthinking, try separating what is within your control from what isn't.
You can control how you communicate, the boundaries you establish, the decisions you make, and how you respond to certain situations.
You cannot control every outcome, someone else's feelings, or whether everything goes exactly as planned.
For example, if you're worried about how someone will respond to an important conversation, you can prepare what you'd like to communicate.
But you cannot guarantee how that person will react.
Sometimes, managing overthinking involves learning to tolerate the uncertainty that remains after you've done your part.
3. Challenge the Story You're Telling Yourself
Not every thought is a fact.
I know that sounds simple, but think about how often we respond emotionally to assumptions we've made.
Your friend hasn't responded to your message.
Your mind tells you they're upset.
But what evidence do you actually have?
Could they be working? Spending time with family? Taking a break from their phone?
One technique used in cognitive behavioral therapy is examining the evidence for and against a thought.
Try asking yourself:
"What do I know for certain?"
"What am I assuming?"
"Is there another reasonable explanation?"
The goal isn't to force yourself to think positively.
It's to develop a more balanced interpretation of what's happening.
4. Give Yourself a Specific Time to Worry
This might sound strange, but sometimes setting aside time to think about your concerns can be more helpful than trying to push them away all day.
You might choose 10 to 15 minutes to write down what's bothering you.
During that time, identify whether there's something practical you can do.
If there is, create a plan.
If there isn't, practice acknowledging that the situation may need to remain unresolved for now.
When the same worry comes up later, remind yourself that you've already made time to consider it.
This technique takes practice, and it won't work for everyone, but it can help create more structure around repetitive worrying.
5. Stop Waiting Until You Feel Completely Certain
How many times have you delayed making a decision because you wanted to be absolutely sure it was the right one?
Maybe you're trying to decide whether to apply for a job, have a difficult conversation, or take the next step in a relationship.
You keep gathering information, asking for opinions, and considering every possible outcome.
But eventually, more information stops being helpful.
Sometimes, we have to make decisions with the information available to us and accept that we cannot predict everything.
That doesn't mean being careless.
It means recognizing that uncertainty doesn't automatically mean you're making a mistake.
6. Bring Your Attention Back to the Present
Overthinking often pulls our attention toward things that have already happened or things that might happen.
And while reflection and planning are important, we also need opportunities to reconnect with the present.
You might try taking a walk, practicing slow breathing, noticing your surroundings, or doing something that requires your attention.
For example, if you're sitting on the couch replaying a conversation, consider getting up, stretching, or stepping outside for a few minutes.
You're not necessarily trying to avoid the problem.
You're giving yourself an opportunity to interrupt the repetitive thought cycle before deciding whether the situation needs further attention.
7. Practice Being Kinder to Yourself
I think this is something we overlook.
Sometimes, we don't just overthink the original situation.
We start criticizing ourselves for overthinking in the first place.
"Why am I like this?"
"Why can't I just let things go?"
"Why do I always make everything so complicated?"
Now you're dealing with the original concern and the frustration you're directing toward yourself.
Instead of responding with criticism, try approaching the experience with curiosity.
What are you afraid might happen?
What emotion are you struggling to tolerate?
What reassurance are you hoping to find?
Understanding what's underneath the overthinking can be more helpful than simply telling yourself to stop.
How to Stop Overthinking in Relationships
Let's talk about relationships specifically, because this is where overthinking can become particularly exhausting.
Maybe you're constantly analyzing your partner's tone.
Maybe you're wondering whether they're losing interest.
Or maybe you find yourself needing reassurance after every disagreement.
For some people, these patterns may be connected to relationship anxiety or anxious attachment tendencies.
When emotional connection feels uncertain, you might become especially sensitive to changes in communication or behavior.
But here's something I want you to consider.
Is your overthinking coming from your own fears, or is there something happening in the relationship that's genuinely creating uncertainty?
Because those are two different situations.
Sometimes, we need to work on challenging assumptions and managing our anxiety.
Other times, we need to acknowledge that inconsistent communication, broken trust, or unclear expectations are contributing to how we feel.
And sometimes, both things can be true.
The goal isn't to convince yourself that everything is fine when it isn't.
It's to learn how to distinguish between what you're imagining and what you're actually experiencing.
Healthy communication can help.
Instead of spending hours guessing what your partner meant, you might say:
"I noticed we've been communicating differently lately, and I'd like to check in about how things are going."
That creates an opportunity for an actual conversation rather than relying entirely on assumptions.
How to Stop Overthinking at Night
Have you noticed that your thoughts sometimes become louder when everything around you gets quieter?
During the day, you're occupied with work, responsibilities, conversations, and distractions.
Then bedtime arrives, and suddenly your mind starts revisiting everything.
If you struggle with overthinking at night, consider creating a routine that helps you transition out of problem-solving mode.
You might write down your concerns earlier in the evening, identify anything that needs attention tomorrow, and give yourself permission to revisit those concerns at a more appropriate time.
Try to avoid turning bedtime into the moment when you attempt to solve every problem in your life.
And if overthinking is regularly interfering with your sleep, that may be worth discussing with a mental health professional.
Can Therapy Help With Overthinking?
Absolutely.
If repetitive thoughts are affecting your relationships, sleep, work, or emotional well-being, therapy can provide an opportunity to understand what's contributing to those patterns.
Cognitive behavioral therapy, for example, can help people identify unhelpful thinking patterns and develop more balanced responses.
Other approaches may focus on emotional regulation, mindfulness, acceptance, and learning to tolerate uncertainty.
And depending on your experiences, it may also be helpful to explore whether perfectionism, past relationships, anxiety, or other emotional concerns are contributing to the cycle.
You don't have to wait until things feel completely overwhelming to seek support.
You Don't Have to Figure Everything Out Right Now
If there's one thing I want you to take away from this conversation, it's that not every thought requires your attention, and not every uncomfortable feeling needs an immediate solution.
Sometimes, overthinking is our attempt to protect ourselves from uncertainty, disappointment, or making the wrong decision.
But constantly searching for certainty can keep us mentally stuck.
Learning to manage overthinking doesn't mean you'll never worry again.
It means developing the ability to recognize when your thoughts are helpful, when they're becoming repetitive, and when it's time to redirect your attention toward something you can actually do.
Remember: You can acknowledge a thought without allowing it to make every decision for you.
What's something you tend to overthink the most, relationships, decisions, conversations, or things that haven't even happened yet?
For additional guidance:
If you found this article helpful, I also have a YouTube video dedicated to this topic.
Watch How to STOP Overthinking on YouTube
I'd love for you to continue the conversation there and share which part of overthinking you struggle with most.
You can also explore more conversations about anxiety, relationships, and attachment styles on my YouTube channel.
Dr. Vanessa Milagros, PhD, LMHC, is a licensed mental health therapist and relationship expert. She is the founder of Exhale Counseling Center, LLC, where she provides telehealth therapy services to Florida residents. Her work focuses on relationships, attachment styles, anxiety, and emotional well-being.
This article is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for individualized mental health care.
Looking for additional support?
Check out my YouTube channel for real-life strategies you can start using today.
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